Photo by David Fitzpatrick.
It’s been over seven years since I was last a stay-at-home Mum. When you are chained to an office, knee-deep in work deadlines and fighting off texts from your children about the latest crisis – there’s no food in the house – I missed the bus – I forgot my art project – you tend to get a rosy glow about being at home. You remember the flexibility, the joy of being master of your own time. You dream about having TIME. The time to cook meals from scratch, the time to read a book, the time to write a book, the time to have uninterrupted conversations with your children that don’t involve you yelling instructions at them as you all rush out the door.
So then you do the unthinkable and leave your job. Slowly you start to remember the downsides of being at home. Putting aside the whole money issue (having none is very stressful by the way), you start to remember that being a stay-at-home Mum is really time-consuming. Sorting out the week’s menu and battling your way around the supermarket pushing a shopping trolley with a dodgy wheel, while trying to locate what’s on special, is a morning’s work. Attending the school awards presentation ceremonies (two children, two ceremonies, two hours wait in between) eats up most of a day. The eldest child needs an outfit suitable to “jive” in for a class assignment, the husband wants the camera dropped out to his work (he forgot to take it with him), you’ve got to sort out the tax for the year, you are researching electricity provider trying to find the cheapest (or can you possibly afford solar – does anyone do a pay-by-the-week purchase plan – google, google, google). You begin to wonder how you ever found time to work!
But work you must. Eventually. Your nights are interrupted with an endless loop of thoughts – what sort of job do you want? Could you start your own business? Is there a company that will let you work from home? Do you find another part-time position? Or do you go for the benefit of a larger income and head back to the full-time trenches? How do you effectively combine raising a family with working and try to eke out a few moments of downtime to your self?
I’ve been here before – since I’ve had children I’ve been a full-time stay-at-home mum, I’ve run a little business from home, I’ve gone back to full-time work and for the last three and half years I’ve worked four days a week. So basically I’ve given nearly every option a go. None was ideal. But in the end you cobble together what you can. Along the way you learn new skills, develop resilience and figure out that work is not the sum total of your identity. You try things you never imagined for yourself – I taught a craft for gawds sake! Me, who can’t draw a straight line with a ruler and you put a pair of scissors in my hand and I am just plain dangerous – let’s scrapbook everyone!
You work out the logistics on a daily basis and hope for the best as you juggle it all.
So now I spend a couple of months working out what option is best for a mother of teenagers – with an empty nest looming but the obstacle of two HSC’s obscuring the view.
What’s your dream job? How would you manage it – full-time, part-time, work-from-home?
It is so hard. I work from home as a Virtual Assistant, but as I only work part-time the money isn’t much. You kind of take that money for granted when you’re a career person without kids. Now I know it will be a long time before I do that again, if ever and I miss the freedom of not having to penny pinch, but I like the fact that I spent the day at the kids’ sports day today without having to report to an employer.
That’s what I loved the most about being at home was not having to ask anyone’s permission to go to the sports days, help out for an hour in the classroom etc. But yes the money thing is a pain in the bum.
You are quite right about all the pros and cons of each type of paid work. Perhaps there is no ideal and what is best is a mix of each over the years as offspring get older. There is no doubt that the jobs at home expand to fill any “free” time – maybe home tasks should be constrained by set hours like a paid job 🙂
That’s a great idea – I’ll think I’ll try dedicating a set time to “household” and then a set time to “writing” and see how I go. It’s only been seven days and already the house stuff is encroaching on the writing – which was a big part of why I was giving myself a break from work – to actually finish some of this writing I’ve got laying around.
I have recently became a stay at home mum again and I have never been happier. Nor has my son. And to be honest, nor has my husband. Life with me working full time was TENSE and not much fun. I feel very blessed and very very lucky
Life is definitely easier with one parent able to focus on the “home” stuff. Juggling two jobs (not even careers just jobs) is really stressful. I think everyone benefits from taking some time off the treadmill and looking at life from a different perspective – that isn’t tied up in work. Finding the financial means to do that is the challenge.
This is what I suspect about working fulltime for someone else at this stage of my life. The last time I did it my teen was 4 years old. I suspect if I did it again, we would be a stressed, unhappy family with a bit more money.
It’s the loss of flexibility that is the most difficult part of working for someone else – and the fact that even teenagers have moments where they really need you to be present and it doesn’t always tally with weekends or after work.
We’re struggling with this now over here. I am completely and totally overwhelmed these days. Feeling every inch of the oppression of my work and home life. There’s ironing piled up and laundry undone and work scattered about the place. I’m lousy at schedules at structure and I keep promising myself that if I could get better at that part, I’d do everything else okay. I’m excited about your new venture and I think some of the advice you’ve gotten is good. I’m going to follow it myself. 😉
I love the fact that all over the world we are facing the same issues!! I wish there was a perfect solution. Unfortunately it is just trial, error, adaptation isn’t it?
When you’ve worked out the answer, please let me know.
I’m on it.