I Haven’t Quite Finished Talking Yet

Iphone 033

 

Dear Simon,

Has heaven gotten a little funnier this week? Robin Williams left us, so if you run into him say hi. I wonder if famous people get to mix with ordinary folk once they get to heaven? These are the questions I ponder now.

I had another dream. This time you were mucking around with the kids in the lounge room. Then for some reason I got cross with you and we started arguing. Then I realised I was fighting with a dead man. I said “what are you doing here?” You thought I was mad. “What do you mean, I live here!”. “No you don’t, you are dead.” “Don’t be ridiculous” you said, and we proceeded to argue over whether you were dead or not.

Other people have really sweet dreams about the people they have lost. We however manage to disagree even in DREAMS. Clearly, I have some unresolved anger issues, and I think you are a little confused about the state you have found yourself in. I promise you’ve gone over to the other side, we had a funeral and everything. Remember when you were going in for heart operation and I said “whatever you do, don’t head towards the light”. Turns out this time not only did you head for the light, you went right bloody through it.

By the way, I hope they have a good supply of bread, tomatoes and milk up there beyond the light. Turns out you ate and drank a hell of a lot of that stuff when you were alive. I’ve got bread going mouldy, tomatoes turning to compost in the vegetable drawer and milk gone off every week since you died. When I run out the girls complain, but seriously they eat half a loaf, drink a quarter of a bottle and maybe consume one tomato in a salad occasionally! In fact I’m surprised by how little milk they actually drink, now I’m worried I’ve set them up for a life of Osteoporosis because while I thought they were getting an adequate supply of calcium it was actually their father guzzling all the milk.

I’ve got parent/teacher interviews next week, I don’t want to go. They’ll want to talk about homework, marks, HSC and frankly I just want to say, “look we are just concentrating on existing at the moment, anything else achieved is a miracle, and I’m pretty sure ten years down the track nobody is going to remember if Year 8 english homework was completed, or the Year 11 visual art worksheet was handed in on time”.

We’re all wrapped up in little balls of guilt here at the moment, each of us wishing we had done something different that weekend. I am lecturing the girls on how you were a grown-up and made your own decisions and we can’t be responsible for where your fished, or the vagaries of the sea, but deep down we all believe we could have changed the outcome. Which really sucks. We’re looking at years of therapy ahead. Thanks for that. (Yes I know anger issues, I’ll put it on the list of discussion points for the next counselling session).

Actually, I’m not that angry with you, but I’m angry about the effect this has had on the girls. My personality is pretty solidly formed by now. They, however, are right at the stage of trying to identify who they are and this has blindsided them. Their world is no longer secure, they are more fearful.

I have a confession to make, I could possibly have forgotten to water the plants (I’ve been BUSY alright). We may have lost some of them. Remember when you boys went away to sea – I killed the plants, Bron ended up with fish floating at the top of the tank and Kylee lost the budgie in a traumatic encounter with a crow? You fellas came home and wondered if it was ever going to be safe to have kids and leave them in our care. Well the good news is I’ve kept the children alive, but the bonsai has really carked it, (yes I know it was probably really old and had survived such a lot, but it turns out it couldn’t survive me).

I was trying to give up writing the letters to you, it must be getting boring for everyone now. Then Robin Williams died, and death and grief where the only topics I could think about again.

It’s like you left me mid-sentence, I hadn’t finished talking and then you just disappeared. There was so much more I had to say.

Clearly though I’m a determined woman and I’m not going to let a little thing like you dying stop me from having the last word.

Till next time, nanoo nanoo.

love

Janine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s Just A Game!

soccerCan someone explain to me why, when my daughter is perfectly legal to drive herself to the 8.40pm soccer game on a Friday night, I still insist on going? Gen X helicopter parenting at its finest right there.

Of course if I hadn’t gone I would have missed the spectacle of two teenage boys doing a streak across the field. Poor guys, they went to so much trouble and the girls didn’t notice and just kept on playing. Their only audience was the mothers on the sideline. It must have been a great disappointment to them.

Soccer dominates our winter, there’s training Tuesday and Thursday and games Friday night (yes people Friday night, it’s a deliberate cruelty to parents) and Saturday morning.

We parents are wrapped in blankets, hot water bottles and long johns shiver on the sideline (it’s cold on Friday nights in Kempsey). Alternatively, we find ourselves sweltering on suddenly warm Saturday mornings. We all get passionate about the game, and want our kids to do well.

However, this season has been interesting, not just for the nudie runs, but it’s been the first time I’ve witnessed up close some pretty poor behaviour by parents. One child had told me in the past she’s been yelled at from the sidelines “stupid b****”, “silly c***”, but I hadn’t heard it for myself.

In the last couple of weeks there’s been a mother screaming “get that up ya” when her team scored a goal and another yelling “wanker” at the ref. I’ve also heard of an all out brawl breaking out at one game (parents on the field brawling as well) with the police called. This is KIDS SPORT.

Given the refs and lines people are usually young teenagers themselves, earning a bit of pocket money on a weekend, it amazes me that adults can hurl abuse, when without them (and the coaches and other volunteers who give up time) their kids wouldn’t have any sport to play.

We really need a bit of perspective here, it ain’t the World Cup.

I thought it funny when I had to sign a “parent code of conduct” now I’m thinking there’s a few parents who need their code of conduct enforced.

Just Keeping On Writing

photo(53) edit 2 ipiccyDear Simon

God I hate it when you are right.

Remember Sudden Sun by Sonja Georgeson? The painting you loved so much when I when I was working at that PR Company/Art Gallery I bought it for you one Christmas? We’ve had it sitting against the wall for two years because it got water damaged during one of the moves. We disagreed on getting it reframed I liked the thin black frame it was in, you said it was all wrong, it needed a nice wooden frame to go with the colouring of the painting, I said your obsession with wood was old-fashioned.

I took it in to get fixed, the first thing the framer said was it needed a wooden frame to enhance the colouring of the picture.

So now it’s framed in a nice wooden frame.

Simon 1. Janine 0.

On the positive side, the dryer seems to have fixed itself, the dishwasher however is going to need professional help. The teenagers are complaining we have gone back to the stone age as they argue over washing and wiping up.

You know the ridiculously expensive letterbox I insisted on buying? The stupid lock jammed up again and I broke our only remaining key off in it. However, in my new role as Janine the Tool Woman I rummaged around amongst your stuff, found I don’t know what, and managed to retrieve the broken key. Whatever the little picky thing was meant for though, well it may not be able to be used for that any more, it’s a little bent.

As I triumphantly returned to the house the doorknob on the even more ridiculously expensive door you insisted on designing and having specially made fell off. At least it’s matching now, both the front and back handles have gone.

We cleaned up the garage and now I can a fit a car in there. The first time in 20 years I’ve been able to fit a car in any of the double garages we have owned.

You always insisted I park on the left hand side of the driveway because the right hand side has a rather high drop over the edge. You said I would drive the car over, I said you were being ridiculous. Stop panicking I haven’t driven over the edge (yet). However, it seems when I reverse from the garage itself I have problems. That rock/wood feature you’ve got holding up my crap letterbox, yeah I hit the rocks three times in one go backing out.

Couple of hours later your old mate from across the road stumbled on over (he needs a hip replacement now so it’s “hold your breath” as you watch him make his way across the road) to tell me he had seen me backing out. I must remember to wave at his window next time I collect the rockery as I go by.

I dreamed about you last night, you were laughing and drinking red wine. I suspect if there is a heaven that’s exactly what you will be doing right now.

Today is four months. It seems both an eternity and a millisecond.

We’ve decided that “time heals all wounds” is a crock.

Don’t drink too much of that red, you know you are useless with a hangover.

love

Janine

 

 

 

July Achievements

Settlement Point

  • Negotiated my way through Centrelink without killing anyone.
  • Managed to work six days in a fortnight and even came up with a few good story ideas (always a bonus if you are responsible for creating an interesting radio program).
  • Accepted that it just gets harder.
  • Started (and am enjoying) the Blog With Pip course.
  • Applied for a few jobs.
  • Laughed.
  • Went Spanish with Tracey and had a good time.
  • Enjoyed a picnic in the sun with friends.
  • Did a very bad Macarena at friends anniversary party.
  • Functioned (most of the time).

My Top Five Gripes

Can't even get the Bruschetta anymore!

Can’t even get the Bruschetta anymore!

I’m in a mood, you’ll just have to deal with it.

The top five things annoying me right now (I could have done a hundred but I decided to spare you the complete list because I don’t want to put you in a mood too).

  1. My bra shop is closing down. This is a catastrophe people. Being a big-breasted woman in a small-breasted world is DIFFICULT! This was the only shop in town that stocked size F. Oh yes I got all excited recently when Target had a couple of size F numbers, let me tell you Bonds girls have a different size F to the rest of the world.
  2. There is no bookshop in my town. This sucks. I like seeing books in real life before I hand over my cash. I like to find new titles by wandering the aisles. I don’t know what I’m looking for until I see it. Just spent a fortune online trying to get books covering every HSC subject Hippie Child is doing, because all that stupid information on the internet is convoluted, useless and usually irrelevant. We need FOCUS.
  3. The writers of Offspring. I’m back to watching via the ads again but it seems that guy Nina was having hot sex with is married with a wife who just gave birth to his child in Nina’s hospital. Seriously writers, you’ve already killed her husband, can’t you cut the woman a break!
  4. One of my favourite cafes deciding to just serve all day breakfast. I don’t eat breakfast, I don’t like breakfast. I like nice lunches at midday not bloody SCRAMBLED EGGS. Why? Why would you remove all your other meals?
  5. Everything that is happening in the world. I want peace, love and happiness. I think I’ll give up listening to the news. Which may be a little difficult when I go to work in a news radio station. Perhaps I’ll issue a directive that I’m the “good news” content maker, only fluffy, good time stories from me.

Right, I’m done, anything you want to get off your chest?

Five Things I Found On Pinterest

I fell down the rabbit hole that is Pinterest recently. I’m supposedly on there to promote the blog but seem to spend all my time reposting pictures of outfits that I can neither fit into nor afford.

However I discovered some mind blowing info while losing hours of my life.

  1. Look at this clever way to keep your zipper up. C’mon I can’t be the only one whose zippers keep unzipping to the point some trousers are unwearable. I know I could just lose some weight but this takes no exercise and it works! (Edit just found the website this idea comes from … there’s 30 more ideas there).www.pinterest.com
  2. The next round of major “with a zero” birthdays are gulp 50. Loved this idea of a sign to celebrate turning 50, and the rest of the party ideas are pretty cool too.c4c12c12cd0197e117cc586c6d84ece3
  3. Until I saw this I never considered cutting a watermelon into sticks but the site has how-to pictures and suddenly it seemed like the only way to slice a melon.   cea54c66a030156c04517c9319553281
  4. We all know I’m not the “make it yourself” type but I ran out firelighters the other day and used this idea from The Cottage Smallholder and it worked OK. It’s toilet rolls, clothes dryer lint and newspaper. How resourceful am I becoming???

7db9bbf9164000619aaefbc165d67d295. And this one because I used to be known as the canapé queen. I couldn’t cook a meal but I could do decent hors d’oeuvres. The site won’t help you unless you can read french but someone kindly put photo and a translation on the Pinterest, Appetizers : goat cheese rolled in sesame seeds, chives and pistachio topped with smoked salmon, tomato, and prosciutto.
86189278a30fdbe54fbf8fffbf152b65How’s that for the most important info you need for life – don’t ever say I don’t do the most in-depth researching for you people.

 

Taking Stock 001

RosesMaking :  A mess (as usual)
Cooking : Vegetable Soup.
Drinking : Lots of coffee.
Reading: Monica Lewinsky – Culture of Humiliation – Vanity Fair
Wanting: Someone to invent a drive through supermarket.
Looking: At my newly formed wrinkles. I gotta start taking care of my skin.
Playing: Around with podcasting because I want to do more of that on the blog.
Deciding: How to spend a Friday night with a soccer bye (we Friday night soccer mums deserve MEDALS, it’s cold and there’s no wine).
Wishing: I could get paid a motza to blog in my pj’s all day.
Enjoying: Friendship
Waiting: For the faceless people of the superannuation companies to release our funds.
Liking: The dumplings at our local Japanese.
Wondering: What if?
Loving: Sleep ins.
Pondering: Choices and chances, the big lottery of life.
Considering: The future.
Watching: True Detective.
Hoping: A decent income magically appears in my life.
Marvelling: At people’s generosity.
Needing: To regain my motivation.
Smelling: Chanel perfume at the chemist. I’m thinking that might be Simon’s next present to me. (If the super people ever deliver).
Wearing: Trakkies and uggs (it’s cold people).
Following: New bloggers who are doing Pip Lincoln’s Blog with Pip course (feel free to leave a comment with a link to your blog guys). This is a post idea Pip uses on her blog.
Noticing: Kindness.
Knowing: The little things matter.
Thinking: Too much.
Feeling: Sad
Admiring: My daughters.
Sorting: The study. Who am I kidding it’s actually a junk room and I just look at it for a while, move a few items around and give up in despair, EVERY DAY.
Buying: Myself flowers.
Getting: RSI ’cause I’m blogging from bed.
Bookmarking: The Design Files because I like to torture myself with images of stunning homes, fully aware my home will never attain that level of immaculate presentation while ever we are so chronically untidy.
Disliking: Winter.
Opening: A highly successful bookstore/art  gallery/homewares shop/cafe (well in my dreams I am).
Giggling: At re-runs of Friends.
Feeling: Tired.
Snacking: Chocolate Chip Biscuits
Coveting: Black tall boots.
Wishing: It wasn’t so.
Helping: My daughter deal with a migraine.
Hearing: All of Me – John Legend

 

Here’s the list if you want to do your own.

Making :
Cooking :
Drinking :
Reading:
Wanting:
Looking:
Playing:
Deciding:
Wishing:
Enjoying:
Waiting:
Liking:
Wondering:
Loving:
Pondering:
Considering:
Watching:
Hoping:
Marvelling:
Needing:
Smelling:
Wearing:
Following:
Noticing:
Knowing:
Thinking:
Feeling:
Admiring:
Sorting:
Buying:
Getting:
Bookmarking:
Disliking:
Opening:
Giggling:
Feeling:
Snacking:
Coveting:
Wishing:
Helping:
Hearing: