Well the research is in and it’s become clear that I’m a genius.

No really, I found an article on the INTERNET, it’s like researched and everything.

Entitled Five Surprising Signs You’re Probably a Genius  the piece lays out what you need to have a high IQ.

I skipping straight over point 1 (high sex drive) and point 2 (drug use) we don’t need to know each other that well.

But I really begin to nail it at point 3. You are a night owl. Anyone who has ever seen me before 9.00am knows the morning is not my friend. Left to my own devices I’d do all my work between 4.00pm and midnight – but kids killed that whole working with your natural rhythm thing.

At point four I really shine. These baby blue eyes have been glowing for a long time. Turns out “researchers found that people with blue eyes were more likely to be strategic thinkers”. Ain’t that the truth, I can strategise till the cows come home – I also look amazing in light blue or emerald-green – really makes my eyes “pop”.

Then we come to my killer ammunition. “A 2011 study of 1,200 women found that women with large breasts were more intelligent. According to Helium.com, women who big breasts had scored on average 10 point higher than their lesser-endowed counterparts.” Clearly if DD is a genius my size F hooters have to mean off-the-chart brains. It’s obvious isn’t it?

So now that I’ve worked out that I’m a genius I’ll retreat back to the lounge while I mull over how I can use my new-found intelligence to, like, save the world or somethin’.