It’s hard work this helicopter mum thing. Seriously, all this hovering is EXHAUSTING.
Those of you with young children who are just in the “keep ’em safe, don’t let ’em do anything dangerous” stage of helicopter mothering, let me tell you when you get to the final years of high school it takes on a whole new level of demanding!
Last night was “the talk” at school. Year 10 students and their parents rocked up to get a glimpse into the future of Year 11 and 12. It appears next Monday the kids spend the day listening to presentations from the teachers of the subjects they are considering and on Wednesday parents are expected to join them for an interview, with subject choices made.
We are so not ready for this.
At one point last night one of the Hippie Child’s friends hugged me “you look terrified, don’t worry it will be all right”. Obviously my inner turmoil was beginning to show on my face. Hippie Child? Oh yes she was off socialising, catching up with friends she hadn’t seen for an hour and a half! Me, I was madly thumbing through subject choices trying to work out what the hell was best. I wanted to talk to the TEACHERS about MY LITTLE DARLING and what they thought was best for her. Apparently this isn’t how it works. I did offer to come in for the day on Monday (I’ve got some free time after all) so I could hear the subject presentations as well, her friends looked aghast and the Hippie Child threatened to run away from home if I did anything that stupid!
I don’t remember this much angst when I making my own subject choices for the HSC. Country town public high school 30 years ago the options weren’t vast. In fact I ended up with Maths in Society (maths for dummies but everyone had to take a maths subject), 3 unit English, Home Science, Economics and Biology. So basically four out five of my subjects were completely unsuited for my personality type and totally unrelated to what I wanted to do in the future (journalism). Although some faint traces of Economics must have remained embedded somewhere (despite my never completing a single essay in the lead-up to the exam) because one particular broadcaster praised my leads/questions for the economic type interviews we did occasionally.
In the end, in a giant twist of fate, it was my best subject which let me down, I dropped 15 marks in English (as did my entire English class), when the TS Elliot poem in the exam was the one the teacher had forgotten to teach us about. I missed out on my choice of Uni by exactly 15 marks. Note to self, doing only just enough work to get by can backfire! In the end my top mark was Home Science – so really I should have enjoyed a career in hospitality – which would have involved causing mayhem in kitchens around the world.
Now 30 years later the Hippie Child has far more choices available and far less idea of what she wants to do for a career. God help us.
I know I have to let go, she has to make the choices for herself. But that is so DIFFICULT.
She doesn’t do any RESEARCH! She hates looking at pages and pages of text (could they just throw in one picture to hold her attention – even a colourful graph or pie chart would be helpful). She doesn’t like to think too far ahead. She’s not too big on goal setting, she’s more a go with the flow personality. SHE’S NOT ME AND IT’S DRIVING ME CRAZY!
Right deep breath, she just has to take the subjects she is good at to give her the best chance of the highest ATAR possible. Then she can decide if she actually wants to go to Uni (SO HELP ME GOD SHE’S GOING TO UNI WHETHER SHE WANTS TO OR NOT – no her life, her decision, keep calm).
In the end the HSC/ATAR is just one measure and one possible pathway to getting into uni. There are many others.
Life will offer numerous opportunities outside of school. Along the way there will be choices made, chances taken and the lottery of life will play out for better and worse. In the end this generation will have numerous careers over the years, many of which may not yet exist.
Ultimately, I hope both my daughters do well enough to pursue careers they are passionate about, finding work that fulfills them on many levels, not just financially, (although my deepest wish is they will earn enough to enjoy a comfortable life without money worries). I hope they get to have lots of fun and laughter along the way.
Anyone else going through this/been through it? Any advice highly welcome. What are your hopes for your children?
My son is a bit (but not much) younger that HC, and we definitely walk that balance of letting him make choices and still helping guide him. It’s HARD. Why is it so hard? If I let go and stop nagging, there’s crap all over my house and nothing ever gets picked up, so why shouldn’t I assume that the same isn’t true for school? If you figure this out, let me know!
It’s so HARD. What if she makes the wrong subject choice, then again what if I lead her to a subject choice that turns out to be a disaster. Oh god I need a lie down!!!!!
My advice as a high school teacher, is to just let her pick what she loves, what she is good at, or what she needs to get into uni. She really only needs a high level of maths if she is planning a science, maths, engineering, or economics type career. Also most schools will allow kids a period of grace at the beginning of next year, if she finds that one course is not to her liking. Kids who enjoy what they are studying always do better than those who don’t. Relax. Even if she makes a bad choice, there are always other options down the track. Email me if you want to know anything specific!
Thank you Jo.
Oh, I feel your pain!! I have one son in year 10 and one in year 8, and the gentle “guidance” without actually trying to live their life from them is like walking a tightrope over a lion taming circus, complete with flaming hoops! Unfortunately teachers who only have my boys for a couple of hours a week have been putting pressure on them as to what they think they should be doing, which doesn’t always hold up in the real world. DS1, who is 16, actually stood up and questioned a visiting Uni lecturer touting for business as to how much a degree will cost him and what the employment forecasts for that industry were. She couldn’t even give him an answer which was rather telling.
But really, as you experienced, there are so many paths we head down, who knows where they will really end up and how they got there!
I love likening it to “walking a tightrope over a lion taming circus, complete with flaming hoops!” So true.
Boy Child is only in Year 9 and I’m already worried about Years 11 and 12. We have to change schools here so I wanted to start looking around this year but we didn’t manage it. Boy Child knows what he wants to do but we are concerned that he may not get into to that. Thankfully he does have two ideas of fall back careers but I’m still worried about choosing the best school for what he wants to do. Let alone worrying about subjects. I hope things work out for you and Hippy Child.
Changing schools makes it even tougher I reckon. But as my teacher friends tell me, focus on choosing subjects they are good at and enjoy and it should all fall together! Fingers crossed. Good luck with Boy Child next year when you have to do the subject choices!
Its funny how we look back on our decision and wonder if we made the right ones…your daughter will do fine, its only high school – there is sooo much to life out there waiting for her, and whatever choices she makes at this moment in time doesn’t have to mean its that decision for life. I did my year 12 many years ago but had no idea what I wanted to do afterwards, and have raised our boys with the idea of chasing dreams. We have had two boys finish highschool, and one who is currently in year 9. We homeschool the other two – its funny but I don’t think subject choices are that big a deal, its more about finding who they are and following their passions that will help them be happy/successful in life 🙂
all the best for her future. xx
I would have LOVED for my parents to be a sounding board for me. I once took my mom to the basement where there’s a white board and tried to map out all of the classes that I wanted to take for my high school career, she looked COMPLETELY dazed. I think that was the first and last time I tried to ask for help on anything. That being said however, I think if my parents started talking to me about things without me prompting, it would have made me incredibly stressed out. I’d say let her come to you if she wants to discuss anything, but maybe that’s naive of me since I’m a list-making needs-to-be-in-control kind of individual.
I love you tried to explain it to your mum on a whiteboard! I so hope I’m still around to read your blog when you have kids of your own!! The choices have been made now and Hippie Child is a little less stressed than she has been for the past few weeks. Fingers crossed she’s chosen well.