So I tried to work my way through the alphabet in the A to Z Challenge. I got to S before the internet dropped out and the family went into meltdown, wandering aimlessly around the house with zombie-like expressions on their face declaring “there’s nothing TO DOOOO, we have no internet!!!”.

It’s probably for the best – I didn’t have a clue what I was going to do for x – unless I posted pictures of old x-rays and regaled you with stories of assorted health scares (all imaginary).

So instead of a post for each remaining letter I’m going all out and give you a single line.

T – Teenagers – When I’m done raising  teenage daughters I’m applying to the UN to be a Peacekeeper. I reckon after negotiating computer time, driving lessons, boyfriends, curfews and bedtime it should be a cinch to solve the crisis in the Middle East.

U – Ultrasound – I had to have an ultrasound recently – I found a lump in my breast – when my colleague discovered I was deciding what music I wanted played at my funeral she decided I needed some medicinal support. Turns out that nice, innocent looking woman in the corner is a first-class drug dealer of the herbal kind. She feeds me some little pills and when she says they will help me relax she’s right – oh it’s a giant cyst that you have to stick a giant needle in to drain a stack of yellow liquid? Bring it on. How bad can it be? I feel great. I can’t remember what the date is to fill out the consent form but that’s OK I’m RELAXED. (Couldn’t help myself got a health issue in there anyway).

V – Video – we are making another video for your viewing pleasure. I’m trying to learn the moves of the cup song from Pitch Perfect. It took me ages to convince the kids to do it, they mastered it in about five minutes, I’m still struggling. We’ll bring it to you as soon I manage to coordinate my flailing hands.

W – Why? – why do I insist on starting challenges only to fail to finish? Is it a character flaw? An attention span issue? A desire for conformity confounded by a rebellious rejection of structure? Who knows.

X – X-rated – who am I kidding – I’ve got nothing x-rated to offer. The only home videos we have involve me tonelessly singing Wiggles songs to bemused looking babies.

Y – Yesterday – life resumed. The children are back at school. I’m back at work. Drive, work, drive, pick-up, drop-off, grocery shop, dinner, dishwasher. Mundane repetition.

Z – ZZZZZ – I thought I was done with sleep deprivation after the baby years – turns out teens invade your sleeping time as well.