The whole “can women have it all” debate is up and running again. Deputy Leader of the Opposition, Julie Bishop, stated in an interview this weekend that women can’t have it all.

“I’m in the Anne-Marie Slaughter school – women can’t have it all. They can have plenty of choices, but at the end of the day, they choose something which means they can’t have something else”.

In Bishop’s case she had expected to have children but “the circumstances didn’t arise”.  As it turns out she says

“I feel incredibly lucky that I’ve had the kind of career that is so consuming that I don’t feel I have a void in my life”.

Last week Attorney General, Nicola Roxon, announced she was resigning from politics to spend more time with her young daughter.

If one of the aims of feminism was to allow women more choices then I think many women can safely tick that box. We have countless more options than the generations before us, where I think it fell down a little was on the logistics.

How to successfully integrate those choices into family life  is one tough gig.

Workplaces are still coming to terms with flexibility (which I would rate as the number one requirement for any working parent). Labor is trying to extend the right to ask for flexible work arrangements from just parents with a pre-schooler or a disabled child to parents of all school-aged children, and those caring for elderly relatives.

Going out a limb here, until we can  sort out the “how” of implementing our choices I think women are always going to struggle with this bloody “having it all” debate.

While women argue over the importance of claiming the word “feminist” and dither about in ridiculous battles over breastfeeding vs bottle-feeding and stay-at-home vs go back to work we are neglecting a pretty crucial issue.

True equality will only emerge when men are as committed to the cause as women.

In Western society* we are not going to get there by storming the barricades, we did that (thank you suffragettes and 70’s feminists who had to break the doors) but we are through many of the doors now and we urgently need a new strategy.

A new strategy needs to include men in the equation. A report from Diversity Council Australia show men want  access to flexible work as well and I’m sure if you also asked men and women without children they too could find benefits in a more flexible workplace, to take further study, care for an ageing parent, or write the great Australian novel.

Flexibility benefits everyone. Yes, even the employers, who will find  less absenteeism and turnover, and improved worker health and productivity  if they allow a little leeway when needed.

There are still many matters to be resolved equal pay, career advancement after maternity leave, superannuation to name a few, but with women still in low numbers  in leadership positions we need to start to look at why women aren’t pursuing the power, and figure out a way to overcome it. Again, I think it’s going to have to be a team effort.

Yesterday over at the Hoopla, Lisa Lintern put out a call for more male feminists. I’m not sure how many blokes would be willing to put their hands up as a feminist (I think it’s also time we acknowledged feminism has an image problem and needs a re-branding). However, I think if you asked men if their daughters, sisters, wives  deserved equal standing to men they would happily agree.

Also at the Hoopla, Tracey Spicer argued Bishop’s comment took us back to a 1950’s attitude. However, I think when women in the powerful, high-profile, well paid jobs are struggling with the situation there isn’t a lot of hope for those of us at the bottom of the food-chain.

Is it possible in 2013 to see a greater collaboration between men and women on creating a workplace that embraces the talents and skills of ALL its participants and makes combining work and life a more achievable prospect? Or am I just dreaming?

*I’m well aware that in other countries in the world there are still huge barriers to women’s equality (and safety), this post is speaking specifically of  the “having it all”, work/life balance discussion that so often arises in Western society.