Princess Child a couple of hours old.
I’m in the middle of flashbacks to childbirth.
My friend had a baby.
She had a carefully constructed birth plan and a mix tape of zen-like music to help create a calming environment for her little one’s arrival.
Twenty two hours later the birth plan was shredded and NOBODY wanted to hear a sitar ever again.
I don’t recall having an actual birth plan, unless you count “drugs, early and often” as a plan.
However, I did have a bag packed with an assortment of items that were supposed to assist with getting you through labour. I can’t recall exactly what was in there, I think there was one of those wooden massage rollers (you know for my husband to lovingly run across my back between contractions), there may have been some aromatherapy oil, there was possibly a music collection of my own, and knowing me there was chocolate and a magazine (cause you know it was going to take hours, obviously there would be time to enjoy some Lindt and grab a quick shot of fashion and features while I was waiting around).
We never opened the bag.
I know that part of the process of preparing yourself for birth is to come up with a “plan”. It’s that whole control thing we have going on. At work we strategise, outline, create a policy. So when it comes to birth we figure we can employ the same techniques. Unfortunately, child-birth comes with many more variables than a standard work project.
Planning for the great unknown is a useful exercise for your peace-of-mind in the lead up to the event, but ultimately you may need to embrace flexibility when the unknown gets real.
When birth doesn’t follow the agenda altering the strategy could be the only option.
It doesn’t mean you failed, it doesn’t mean you won’t bond with your baby (trust me there’s years of bonding ahead, sometimes you will adore ’em, other days you will wonder who the hell this teenage alien is standing in front of you). It just means circumstances changed and you had to go with a contingency.
As a midwife, I must admit I find birth plans set a huge amount of expectation on the process of giving birth. As you mentioned for your friend, they mostly end up shredded or crossed off or thrown away before the baby arrives. Even the most straightforward births never turn out the way we imagine it. Women should be aware of the interventions that are available and have an open mind to what can happen.
That’s interesting that many birth plans end up having to be discarded. I wonder if anyone gets to follow theirs to the letter? I hope that women can have an open mind and accept that sometimes more help is needed than you would have liked. In the end the important thing is that mum and bud are safe.
I think encouraging mums to write birth plans (especially first time mums) is a good idea – they’re more likely to be informed and aware of what can happen, and make better informed choices if the plan needs to change. Having been there a few times, I know that my birth plan gets adhered to where possible, and I always cover our opinions on different options, so if something drastic happens and neither husband or I is available to comment, they know our wishes.
I think that it does help women to feel a bit more in control to have a birth plan, I like that you included your opinions on different options, I think it is important to consider that it may not follow the plan you have laid out.
Interesting to note the comment from Lisa, a midwife. I’d always been under the impression that midwives liked plans. I didn’t have one the first time, because I had an open mind / knew nothing so wouldn’t have known what to include. Plus I was in a birth centre so my access to drugs was limited. I didn’t have a birth plan for the subsequent babies beyond “get through it”, “start with gas”, “have access to other drugs if necessary”. I never really felt in control with my labours, and that freaked me out. Perhaps a plan is a way to keep your head and wits about you, rather than getting dumped by the waves, like I did? It was not till my third did I resolve to try to stay positive and to try to be an active part of the birth – it was a much more “enjoyable” experience (not sure that is the right word though 🙂 )
I think I was a bit like you the first time, had no idea so just went with whatever I was told. The second was so complicated natural was never an option so I had to trust the obstetrician to make the right decisions.
we adopted. enough said!
Wow, Princess Child’s pic is divine. I’m with you – my birth plan was to ask for pain relief!
I whole-heartedly agree! Most of my friends who had a structured birth plan ended up throwing it out the window or really upset because it didn’t turn out the way they’d planned. Just get the baby out, I say! 🙂