We are heading into the tail end of the year (how fast are the months flying by?). It’s one of those years with a “chapter closing”. You know the type, a life stage when you do things for “the last time”, when you know you won’t be going back.
Next year my youngest child heads off to high school. So for the next few months we will be saying goodbye to the primary school years. As I look at the Princess Child, all thin and gangly, with aching joints from the growth spurt which sees us looking eye-to-eye, it seems like just yesterday I was walking her into “big school”.
Now, as we pick out dresses for “graduation” I consider how things will be changing after Christmas. I think about the things I dread about my daughter starting high school.
1. There will be no more gathering with the gaggle of mums outside the classrooms. While I’ve done less and less of that lately there has still been the odd chance to catch up, to discover there’s a project due next week, that it’s out-of-uniform day tomorrow, and feel reassured by the fact everyone is arguing with their hormone challenged darlings!
2. No more opportunities to be in the classroom. It will no longer be a place calling for parent volunteers for listening to reading, helping out at maths groups or providing an extra pair of hands on excursions. There won’t be the possibility of observing my child and her classmates in their natural domain.
3. The kiss goodbye at morning drop-off will probably be discarded. The thing I love about Princess Child is no matter how frenzied the morning, no matter how much we may have argued she never gets out of the car without saying “love you mum” and planting a kiss on my cheek. I suspect that’s not going to be cool in the high-school car park!
4. My importance in her life will diminish. It’s only a matter of time before the influence of her friends will trump the boring mum.
5. In keeping with my diminishing importance, it won’t take long for her discover that all-knowing mum actually doesn’t have all the bases covered. I can’t help with textiles homework because I never learnt to sew, I don’t know the answers to Year 7 algebra, yes I did go to school, yes I did maths, but your brain can only hold so much information. By the time you hit your 40’s the old grey matter has performed a number of clean-up functions where it has deleted unnecessary information in order to make room for the important stuff required on a daily basis, like which bottle shop has my favourite wine on special this week.
6. There will be little I can do to change things I disagree with, school rules triumph over parental beliefs every time.
7. I won’t be able to “fix” everything. The hurts and troubles encountered won’t be cured with a band-aid and a cuddle. I will have to stand back, let her fight her own battles, find her way through the school yard politics and allow her to discover her own place within the emotion-charged hierarchy.
8. I will have to face the fact my baby is growing up.
(This morning’s post inspired by Mama Kat’s Pretty Much World Famous Writing Prompt – which I adapted slightly to cater for the fact I’m in Australia and my kids haven’t been on holidays!)
hi janine – my child starts high school next week. i understand. they’re growing up. i’m happy for her, though, because she’s ready for new adventures. maybe by after christmas, you’ll be ready for your little one to go, too. best, n
Yes she is ready to move on – as usual it’s mum that is dragging the chain. I still find it weird your kids “start” school in the middle of the year! I hope all goes well for you!
My girl finished high school at the end of last year.
Cant say they were easy years.I felt everything you wrote in your post.It was a time of great change for both of us.
I think the hardest part was the not being so needed and also watching her go through the battles of the school yard politics.Girls can be so cruel to eachother….And boys break hearts.
We survived and though we have had some hormone raging moments we have a bond as we always kept the after school time open for eachother to talk and just be together and relax before homework etc.
Goodluck with it all.
You will still be needed but in a different way and the times when you think you are not needed…just knowing you are there is what she will need the most.xx
Good to know it can be survived! I think what you said about making time to talk after school was really important, I think that is going to be my biggest challenge, we do so much rushing around etc, I have to make sure to find time to just sit and talk with each of them individually.
Ack! I sympathize! My biggest fear is my sons coming home with math homework that is beyond my expertise (read: anything past the 11X tables) and DH is out of town. Then my biggest Mom secret will be exposed:I’m mathematically clueless!
*clickin’ in from MamaKat*
Seriously, the homework is a killer! And they get angry when I don’t know! I feel like I’m redoing high school myself, they keep saying but you must have done this when I went to school, I did, I retained the information from swatting 24 hrs before the exam and promptly forgot it when I walked out of the exam room – it obviously never made it into longterm memory!
Aww, I love this post. I don’t have any children, but I can tell you my experience as a (now adult) daughter. High school was rough, and I definitely drifted and rebelled against my parents. However, in my later twenties, my relationship with my mom has become closer than it ever was, and we now related to each other as Mom and daughter, but also ally and friend. So remember that you have that to look forward to, after all the painful teenage years are over 🙂
I think it’s a normal part of development to pull away from your parents, I just hope we can stay connected enough that she will return as she gets older!
“4. My importance in her life will diminish. It’s only a matter of time before the influence of her friends will trump the boring mum.”
Friends do have a huge influence but in my experience… my mother was my go-to for all of the important decisions. 🙂
I think it’s important to keep communicating, through all the tears, tantrums etc. Just got to figure out a way to do that!
“4. My importance in her life will diminish. It’s only a matter of time before the influence of her friends will trump the boring mum.”
She’ll come back.
I hope so!
Whew! Those are my same stresses! My oldest is entering his last year in elementary school and I already feel high school breathing down our necks! 🙂 EEK!
#8 is always so hard to swallow at every stage!
Visiting from Mama Kat’s 🙂
Great post Janine. The first broken heart has got to be bad. And the elevated importance of friends at the expense of parents is definitely a difficult change to get used to, but as another reader said above, I think at the end of the day they’d turn to their parents for the really important stuff.
Stop, you’re scaring me. Only three years and that will be me!
And I’m freaking out that in three years the eldest will be leaving school, dear Lord I’m not old enough to have a child at uni!
My oldest is only 7 and is just starting second grade this year. I know I have a little longer before I have to worry about this sort of stuff (especially as they will be homeschooled and won’t be going out to “school” until they go to college, but this post still made me choke up a bit at the idea of it all. Speaking as one who was homeschooled herself, I never left the house in the morning to go off to campus without saying “Love you mom” and giving her a kiss, even at 21, so there’s still hope for that 🙂
Thank you Bridget, I’m going to cling your example, it is possible. Princess Child is my cuddly child. Hippie Child has never been that way, you have to barter to get so much as a hug with her! So the thought of losing the affection of the youngest is tough!