Photo by Adam Tinworth
Dear Marissa,
Congratulations on your new job as CEO of Yahoo. I know it was a real coup securing the job when you were six months pregnant and it is fantastic that Yahoo were willing to see past the baby bump and value the talent and skill of the woman.
I want to jump up and down and celebrate the equality of the situation, but I’m worried about you.
I know it’s none of my business, I don’t know you, I presume you have plenty of support and the financial means to pay for nannies and the like, and that is wonderful.
But when you say you are heading back to work two weeks after giving birth, alarm bells starting ringing in my head and I’m a little concerned the reality of the situation hasn’t hit you yet (as it never does until AFTER the fact, that is after you’ve given birth and are left holding the baby).
I just want to say growing a human being and ejecting it out of a 10 centimetre dilation takes it out of you. At the two-week mark, whether you’ve gone au la naturale or caesarean there will be parts of your anatomy still itching, aching, bleeding and leaking.
Your brain will be a little mushy (don’t worry it does come back) but in the immediate after effect of birth you could find yourself a weeping, hormonal mess who may struggle to get dressed let alone interact with other human beings. I know I’m not doing the sisterhood any favours here, but the reality is it’s NOT EASY, even if everything goes to plan.
I remember the confidence you are displaying, God knows I had it too. Millions of women give birth and work, it can’t be that hard? Unfortunately I found labour and babies weren’t actually a tickable item on a to do list. They came with an assortment of complexities, challenges and overpowering emotions. I just want to say, take a deep breath, Yahoo will survive without you for a month or two. In the meantime, give your body time to recuperate from the biggest job it will ever do. Let your see-sawing feelings have a chance to settle.
I know I’m a busybody from Australia who has no right having an opinion on your life, goodness knows you have done pretty well without my help so far, youngest CEO of a Fortune 500 company, listed in Fortune Magazines 50 Most Powerful Woman in America four years running. Whereas I don’t even have the power to get my kids to pick up their wet towels from the bathroom floor. But I just want to give you an out, a chance to come up with a Plan B, just in case Plan A goes to crap. To let you know if you can’t get back into the office on schedule the world won’t end. That’s all, I’m just sayin’.
Lots of love
Janine
PS Readers, I’m conflicted here, women have fought for years for companies to not discriminate on the basis of gender or reproduction issues, but is it realistic to be back at work two weeks after giving birth? Am I just a wuss?
As the parent of 11 and 13 year old daughters, hearing first-time pregnant Mums talk idealistically about having children, always makes me a little nervous.
The ones that concern me most however, are those that lack the resources – financial, educational, family and otherwise – that allow people like Marissa Mayer some ‘choice’. When I hear these first time parents talk with such hope about the joy that a child will bring into their lives, that’s when I really feel sick.
Thanks for your courageous post – not a ‘wuss’ in sight!!
Lack of resources can make parenting difficult, there is no doubt about that.
I interviewed Marissa in 2007. She came across as a very smart woman. (http://news.smh.com.au/business/googles-search-unveils-advertising-boom-20080411-25ey.html)
But back to the question you’ve posed. Everyone is different. I recall Tanya Plibersek and Kirsty Marshall returned to their respective jobs very soon after giving birth. They still appear happy with the decisions they made and the children are doing well (according to both mothers). Returning to work early shouldn’t be seen as neglect.
In Marissa’s case, she may change her mind, she may work differently post-birth, or everything could go pear-shaped and she’ll change her mind.
I see no point in assessing any woman’s motives or intentions, especially before they have even started in the role. I think it’s best to let women do as they see best and let their children judge them latter on. After all, new mothers are their own worst critics. They don’t need others telling them whether they’re doing it right or wrong (that’s what extended family are for).
I absolutely agree that every woman has the right to choose when/if/how they return to work given their own circumstances, and I don’t believe any child is neglected by a mother’s return to work. What worries me about this story is that initially it was seen as Yahoo being so progressive in hiring a pregnant woman, but with just two weeks maternity leave you are simply pretending the birth hasn’t happened. Marissa is obviously a talented, successful woman, with the means to demand better than that, a situation of power that most women will never experience. I also think no matter what your financial circumstances giving birth is a hell of a job and I’m not sure we’ve come very far if winning jobs demands we ignore that process. I didn’t intend the piece to be a criticism of Marissa, or her choices, but it was saying this might be a little tougher than you first thought, and if so it’s OK to come up with a Plan B.
I’m convinced that CEOs are almost a different species of human. It’s just a different mindset, wether male or female. No matter what they say publicly, their family is secondary to the company. I’m guessing that she will hire a nanny of two and go back to work like she says she will.
Either that, or she will become the 7th Ex-CEO of Yahoo in the past two years, and Yahoo will just move on to the next person.
You are right the CEO level is a different world, big bucks and big pressure. It’s probably not feasible that a CEO can take a month or two off work – particularly given the challenges Yahoo is experiencing if they have been through 7 CEO’s in two years.
It’s a bit of a fine line here, isn’t it? I remember how I felt after the birth of all my three boys too and going back to work after two weeks was NOT right up there on my list of priorities. A female body takes at LEAST 3 to 4 months to recover from giving birth and it doesn’t make any distinctions for your occupation.
What is different in this case though is her financial means. She’ll be earning heaps. She won’t have that financial worry about paying for all the extra help she’ll need to ensure the after-effects of her pregnancy are minimised. And you know what? That doesn’t sound so forward-thinking or progressive to me. Just my 2 cents.
I know it is a fine line, there is a part of me that goes OK is this what we’ve wanted all along – the opportunity to be treated equally. However, the more I see even the high flyers struggling the more I think the work model isn’t really effective for anybody. Anne-Marie Slaughter’s piece in the Atlantic on why we can’t have it all is an indication that maybe we need changes.
Hello Janine,
I wish her well, and I wish you well, too. I like how you tackle pertinent topics.
Now I’ll talk to your child about those towels, and let’s all have a relaxing weekend!
N
Love that you are taking on the towel issue.
I have absolutely no authority on this issue. However, I wanted to say thank you for the visual – – “still itching, aching, bleeding and leaking” – – something to look forward to one day, maybe.
I really need to find someone who had a blissful pregnancy, found breastfeeding a breeze, had babies that slept through the night from day one and who slipped back to their pre-baby weight within weeks to write a guest post about all the joys of having children. I fear I am painting such a dismal picture you will never want to procreate.