Oh Linus I’m sorry it was all so difficult, my sympathies on the loss of your mother.

You were so brave to get up and sing. Daneesha did a video with her singing for the funeral. I’ve put it up on the blog if you scroll down a few posts. I love that your mum is ahead of the game with the funeral arrangements and texting you the details!

When my grandmother passed away a few years ago my sister and I sort of took control of a handful of things – we wrote the eulogy and I sang at the funeral. Gram wanted “On Eagles Wings” to be sung because she liked when Josh Groban sang it. I knew I was going to bawl during it already and I just remember looking up and saying outloud, “really Gram? I don’t remotely sound like Josh Groban.” I made it through one verse before I was crying too hard to continue.

Also, my mother sent me a text message a few months ago telling me that she bought hers and my dad’s burial plots. There was an emoticon of a flower after the sentence. 21st century technology just hit a new level.

Good luck in finishing up the logisitics, hopefully you’re almost there. xo

You are so right about jotting things down to prevent misunderstandings. As soon as I wrote that comment I remembered all the people I know who’ve had awful family arguments after a death – I’ve been so lucky to have a family that doesn’t do that.

Thank you so much for sharing. You are right, I am proud that together the girls and I created a beautiful funeral for Simon, and it felt really important for it to reflect him and show how much he meant to us all. You make a really interesting point that it can be a gift for loved ones to have that opportunity in planning your funeral. Where I think it helps to jot down some of the things that you love/matter to you to help your family with the decision making process and stop any potential misunderstandings between them. So true what you say about the finances etc – they are a special kind of hell that you really need to be on top of – as I’m discovering!!!

When my brother died in 2010 I found that making decisions about the funeral was very healing – choosing the music & photos for the program, considering what to say, who should speak at the service, was a very precious time, it felt like he was still with me. I was his carer while he was dying, and organising his funeral felt like a continuation of that role; like the last thing I was able to do for him. I couldn’t stop him dying but I could give him the best send-off. So unless you have deeply held wishes about your cremation/burial, maybe on that side of things it can be a gift to leave the funeral decisions for your loved ones.

The most difficult thing was that other family members wanted it all to happen much faster than I was ready for. I think it’s important to take the time you need and not be rushed.

Finances, insurance & all that though are another matter! My Dad used to be in Legacy and having seen the sometimes devastating financial impact of a spouse’s sudden death on many widows & families, he instilled in us all the wisdom of making sure your affairs are in order – not that I really manage that quite as well as he did 🙂

It’s a country boy thing.